“Do I have religious trauma?”
If you’re Googling “Do I have religious trauma?” on your lunch break (or let’s be real, at 2am), there are likely a few things that have happened:
1) You’ve recently had a negative experience with religion,
2) You’ve had a past experience with religion that was negative, or
3) Something you heard, read, or watched recently has helped you put together that your experience of religion was harmful.
Together, we’ll sort through whether or not you have religious trauma and what you can actually do about it.
And a quick PSA before we fully dive in: religious trauma, while unfortunately common, can be experienced in a wide variety of ways. I’ll be speaking in general terms about religious trauma, which means I might not touch on the nuances of your exact lived experience. If you’re already in therapy, that’s fabulous! I’d recommend bringing this topic up with your provider.
You deserve validation that what happened wasn’t okay.
At its best, religion provides a framework for how to live a life that’s in line with values like compassion, community, and care. Religious communities can also provide a built-in network of support and understanding.
But at their worst, religion (and the religious community that pairs with it) can teach you to be deeply ashamed of yourself, while also teaching you to shame others. Instead of having a place where you feel at home, you end up feeling the need to prove your worth, over and over again.
That’s not okay and you didn’t deserve to have that experience.
Understanding the patterns that create religious trauma can help to keep yourself (and others) safe(r) in the future. This isn’t about finding a silver lining in your experience, but it is about using your experience to guide future decisions. Once you understand that certain actions and patterns are harmful, you can learn how to spot them earlier the next time you encounter them.
How to Tell If You Have Religious Trauma
Religious trauma can show up in a variety of ways. Sometimes it shows up in how you think about yourself, and other times it shows up in how you relate to other people. Because religion touches on core aspects of your life (like your identity, values, and ethics), religious trauma can touch on these same aspects as well.
You view morality as a strict binary.
If you grew up in a religion that taught you “right” and “wrong” were the only two options, this can remain part of your life long after you leave the religion. In addition to viewing morality as a strict binary, you might also struggle with nuance around morality and ethics.
There are actually two reasons (at minimum) for this. In your brain, what’s “right” is filtered through two lenses: 1) whether the action is in alignment with the teachings of the religion you were part of, and 2) the implications the action might have on your afterlife.
You assume that authority figures know better than you.
This can also look like having difficulty questioning authority (whether directly or indirectly). If you were taught that your own mind is “sinful” or “impure”, you’re likely to turn toward a perceived authority figure who claims to have moved past that.
You might also have trouble making your own decisions because you’ve been taught that your own thoughts (and logic) are untrustworthy. Whether you’re thinking about making a change in your relationship, or your career, you might be more likely to turn toward a perceived authority figure as opposed to listening to your own thoughts or opinions on the matter.
You repress emotions because they don’t align with the religion’s values or gendered expectations.
Depending on your gender, you might have been taught to not show anger, fear, or sadness. There might have also been an expectation that showing certain emotions would reflect on what kind of person you are.
Whether you were taught to “keep sweet” or to be an unshakable pillar for your family, being taught to suppress your natural emotions can lead you to feel like it’s unacceptable to express yourself.
You’ve become isolated because your friends and family stopped associating with you after you left the religion.
Many religious communities discourage members from engaging with “non-believers” or folks who’ve left the community. This points to an uncomfortable truth that your belonging was always conditional.
Now that you’re no longer following the rules for belonging in that specific religion, you might be left to wonder if you’ll ever have a community again. You might also realize that you don’t quite know how to go about interacting with folks who aren’t part of your former religious community, even if that’s something you want more of in you life.
What to Do if You Think You Have Religious Trauma
You actually have options! And that’s because there’s not one singular way to respond to this realization.
If you’re someone who's newly left your religious community and looking for other people who are navigating this path, you might consider joining one of the groups over at Reclamation Collective. From groups like Queers Reclaiming Together to Spiritual Abuse Recovery for Women+, you’ll be surrounded with folks who know that religious trauma is real and that there are many ways to heal.
If you know that you’re wanting 1:1 support with your religious trauma though, therapy might be your next step. If you’ve been looking for religious trauma therapy in Colorado or religious trauma therapy in Oregon, I support adults through 1:1 therapy and therapy intensives throughout both states.
To wrap it all up…
It’s beyond unfair that you were harmed this way. Like all trauma though, religious trauma can be tended to in a variety of ways. Whether you take some more time to read blogs like this, join a support group, or enroll in therapy, I hope you find options that feel affirming and safe for you.
