3 Common Questions About Emotional Masking, Answered

If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering if emotional masking is helping you or hurting you, you’re definitely not alone. - and unfortunately, it’s not a question I can answer for you. What I can do, though, is explain *exactly* what masking is, and how to tell whether your version of masking is negatively impacting your life.

What does it mean to mask emotions?

I’m so glad you asked! Masking emotions means you hide certain emotions, behaviors, or traits to appear a certain way to others. Sometimes you might not even be aware that you’re masking how you feel. There might also be situations where you choose to mask as a way to protect yourself.

I should also mention that there is a version of masking that is specific to neurodivergent folks (like those who are autistic or have a diagnosis of ADHD). That type of masking refers to ways that neurodivergent folks try to conform to neurotypical norms.

What is an example of masking emotions?

This might look like keeping a calm facial expression, when you’re actually super pissed off. Or it can look like forcing yourself to be a chatterbox at a social gathering when you’d actually rather not be there in the first place. 

It also means that there’s a culture here in the United States that expects people to behave and express their emotions in a highly specific way. This translates into very real fears people have about how they’ll be perceived if they show their true feelings.

Is masking the same as lying?

No, masking isn’t the same as lying and there’s one major difference: masking is typically done to put less strain on relationships. Kristen Harrison also notes that lying, on the other hand, “is about duping other people to maintain a personal advantage.”

It’s also worth pointing out that many people who mask emotions aren’t always aware that they’re masking, whereas people tend to know when they’re lying. 

Is masking part of anxiety?

Yes, it can be. And it makes sense, too! Many people who experience anxiety don’t want other people to pick up on how they’re feeling if it means they’ll be judged for it.

For example, If anxiety causes your hands to shake when you’re speaking in front of people, you might hide that by keeping your hands in your pocket, using a fidget, or otherwise keeping your hands occupied. 

Or, if you tend to get super flushed and red in the face when you’re anxious, you might wear makeup or wear certain clothing to hide those changes in your skin color.

Is masking a trauma response?

Yep, it sure can be, and that’s because masking is also a tool for survival.

As an example, if you’re someone who prides yourself on staying calm in a crisis, masking might be part of that. Many people who’ve lived through trauma(s) have perfected the act of suppressing certain feelings so that they can get out of whatever traumatic situation they’ve been faced with.

But this also means that people sometimes mask when faced with a situation that reminds them of a past trauma. 

Is emotional masking a problem?

The short answer: it depends!

The slightly longer answer: If emotional masking is getting in the way of having and enjoying relationships you want to have, that’s a clue that you might need some support.

So basically…

Emotional masking is a strategy that many people use (knowingly or unknowingly) to protect themselves and their relationships. But masking takes a toll, which is why it’ll be a whole other blog post. 

If you want to understand your own masking better, and you’re located in Colorado and Oregon, you can receive therapy from yours truly! 

There are two options for how I can support you: 1) weekly therapy, or 2) a therapy intensive.

When you’re ready to get started, you can click the button below to send in your contact form. I’ll send you a link to book your free consultation once I receive your form! During the consultation, you’ll have a chance to ask questions and we’ll hammer out the details about scheduling.

I’m Halle! An anxiety therapist based in Boulder, Colorado.

I work with adults who are ready for anxiety to stop running (and ruining!) their lives. You can work with me in either 1:1 weekly therapy, or in a therapy intensive.

If you live in either Colorado or Oregon, I’d love to work with you. Book your free intro call to get started!