Racial Identity and Grief Therapy in Portland, OR | Halle M. Thomas
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Rethinking Grief

9/24/2020

 
Grief is one of the most common experiences we have as humans. Just because it's common, however, doesn't mean that everyone feels like they know how to navigate their grief in ways that feel nurturing. From ideas about the Stages of Grief, to societally-imposed timelines about when one should "get over" a loss, our collective culture in the United States could likely benefit from a shift in how we talk about grief.

Grief is more than a period of intense sadness, or sorrow, and because of that, it's not entirely useful to thinking about grief as something you "get over." 

When I talk about grief, I'm talking about the loss of people, and pets, and difficult moves to other states, and job loss, and miscarriage, and losing family heirlooms, and natural disasters, and I could honestly fill up this entire blog post with so many iterations of grief it would make your head spin.

​So what happens if we shift to thinking about grief as an expression of how we experience (dis)connection to, or from, people, places, items, events, etc? Did your eyes get a little wider reading that?

Grief requires tenderness and care and part of that care is ensuring that we're comprehensive in our definitions of grief. 

If you're interested in diving deeper into your own understanding (or experiences) of grief, I recommend the following:

The Dinner Party
The Dougy Center 
It's Okay That You're Not Okay
Option B
What's Your Grief
@WritingGrief







Yes, You're Queer Enough: Celebrating Bisexual+ Awareness Week

9/17/2020

 
The Bisexual flag.
It's Bisexual+ Awareness Week, which means it's time for a quick chat about bisexuality, queerness, and belonging. But first, let's revisit a caption from last year's post on Bisexuality Day:

"When I discuss bisexuality, I’m talking about folks who experience romantic or sexual attraction (in varying degrees) to people who are either similar to, or different from their own gender presentation and identity.

Bisexuality is valid and bisexual people deserve to have space in the LGBTQ+ community where they are not required to prove they are queer enough to be there.

Whether you are a cisgender woman partnered with a transman, a transman partnered with a nonbinary femme, a cisgender man partnered with another cisgender man, or any other beautiful combination, your bisexuality is valid."

​I still stand by last year's post, because it's true: your bisexuality is valid and you belong here. 

When folks come to me for therapy regarding concerns around their bisexuality, it's usually because of social rejection they've faced around their identity, which can sometimes result in internalized biphobia, or as writer Gabrielle Smith calls it, Queer Imposter Syndrome. 

Here are some other reasons why people seek out therapy regarding their bisexuality:

  • Addressing the effects of internalized biphobia 
  • Support around their racial identity and bisexuality 
  • Acknowledging their bisexuality later in life 
  • Learning communication skills to navigate new relationships 
  • Stress from other people's perceptions of their bisexuality
  • Addressing religious trauma 
  • Coming out to their spouse or long-term partner
  • And more...

For further reading on the experiences of bisexual folks, I recommend the following: 

Why I Don't Like Being Asked Which Gender I Prefer by Zachary Zane
Why Bisexuals Stay In The Closet by Emily Alpert 

When Pumpkin Spice Lattes Aren't Enough: Tips for Surviving Fall

9/8/2020

 
A field of pumpkins.
What comes to mind when you think of fall? Maybe you're thinking about Pumpkin Spice Lattes and cozy sweaters. Maybe Halloween is a months-long affair for you and you're already decorating your living space. Or maybe you're sitting at your work-from-home set up wondering how you're going to get through the next several months. 

If you identify with the latter category, let's cover some basics and see what we can do to get you set up for a different fall experience.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that corresponds with changes in seasons. It typically operates in a cyclical fashion and can begin in the fall and end in the spring, or vice versa (shoutout to the Summertime Blues Crew, you're not alone!). While approximately 3 million people are diagnosed with SAD in the United States each year, they're not the only people who can have a hard time during the fall.

COVID-19 has drastically changed how most folks would plan for the this time of year. From interruptions in travel, to loss of jobs, and loss of loved ones, this fall season is saturated with grief. 

With so much out of your control, what can you do this fall? Below are two mini-survival guides based on what you personally feel you have the energy for.

Fall Survival: Essentials Edition
  • Make a list of 3-5 of fall activities to reference when you feel up for it.
  • Get a library card to enjoy free access to e-books and audiobooks.
  • Write out how you're feeling 2-3 times per week.
  • Identify 1-3 support people in your life you can check in with.
  • Subscribe to a podcast on a topic you'd like to learn more about (I'm partial to -Ologies by Alie Ward).
  • Consider limiting your screen time an hour before you'd like to go to sleep.
  • Check out the book: It's Ok That You're Not Ok by Megan Devine. 

Fall Survival: Explorer Edition
  • Write a letter to your future self about how you got through the fall. Tuck the letter away and read it in July/August of 2021.
  • Check out Insight Timer for free access to guided meditations. 
  • Track your mood throughout the week. If there's a day where your energy tends to be particularly low, identify 1 activity that would make that day smoother for you. 
  • If you live in Oregon, reach out to me for a free 15 minute telephone consultation
  • Look for a therapist on Psychology Today, Therapy for Black Girls, Melanin and Mental Health, or Inclusive Therapists

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Chicory Counseling, LLC
Halle M. Thomas, MA, Marriage and Family Therapist Associate, CGACII
Supervised by Lindsay McGrath, LMFT 
PO Box 16165
​Portland, OR 97292
​971-220-5200
​
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